Sixty-three: Muffin Wrong With It -- except...

I had been transcribing my father’s letters, which he had written home from India during the Second World War. He had been sent out to Bombay in 1943 and had, almost as soon as he arrived, been struck with a very bad bout of dysentery. He recovered after quite a bit of time in hospital only to be struck down again with it and to be laid up once again. As a result of this, he missed two opportunities to be commissioned and sent out to fight against the Japanese. In effect, therefore, getting dysentery probably saved his life and allowed me and my siblings, and all our sons, daughters, and now grandchildren, to grace this earth.

The letter that struck me was one in which he mentioned the fact that the doctors were telling him that he had fallen foul of this disease and suffered more than the other soldiers, owing to the fact that he had low amounts of acid in his stomach. All the junk that was getting in there, the doctors were telling him, wasn’t being broken down, and was sitting around in there able to do all its mischief.

This struck me as very intriguing, as I had frequently wondered whether my father had had an allergy to bread, which he consumed in large quantities. I had been thinking this ever since I had known two twins on my son's soccer team, both of whom had been excellent players when they were 11, but one had grown to around 5-10 in his early teens, while the other remained around 5-2, or something like that. As a result of this the one had stayed playing very competitive soccer, while the other had been dropped down to B teams. At some point, however, it was realized that the shorter boy had celiac disease, and once this was known, and he was given a gluten-free diet, he shot up to the same height as his brother – and, not coincidentally, started playing on the same level teams.

Why this had occurred to me as intriguing was that my father was around 5-4, but almost everyone else in his family was around 5-10. And going back to look at some pictures of the Thomson family (his mother was Winifred Thomson) it is evident that in the 1890s, there were two heights for the five or six male siblings – about 5-4 and about 5-10. Interestingly, the shorter ones seem to have succumbed to consumption in their youth, though that is probably not linked to this little saga.

Furthermore, the story of the short twin was somewhat similar to what I had experienced. While my brothers had grown very quickly to the height they are now (they were well on the way to that height by the time they were 13), I had remained at about 5-2 until around the age of 15, and suddenly shot up to be the height I am now (the same as them). As I recall, this coincided roughly with the time when I moved from a diet of large quantities of bread, though I may be reading this back into it.

But my father complained bitterly of some food ailments. He hated garlic with a passion and thought this caused him all kinds of issues. Garlic bread or pasta would be very problematic for him. My siblings and I had somewhat scoffed at this, but when I started having the same issues, I began to think there was something to it. But, on reducing the garlic from pasta, I noticed this didn’t make much difference, and so I began to conclude that it wasn’t the garlic, but it was the gluten that was the issue.

But my father had died before any of these hypotheses could be tested, and I was now reading these letters and discovering that there had been an issue earlier in his life. But this got me thinking that perhaps the low stomach acid was something that I shared; and, moreover, perhaps low stomach acid is often connected to gluten intolerance. A quick tour around the web confirmed that this was so, or at least true enough from my perspective, and I thought that I should try going gluten free immediately. So I believe it is fair to say that from the moment that I read that letter I began a gluten-free diet, which I have kept to to this day.

The impact on me was so stunning – remarkable even – that I would never even consider going back to eating gluten again. Here is a list of the different things that improved once I gave up gluten:

1) Sensitive Skin. My skin was no longer sensitive. Prior to giving up gluten my skin was extremely sensitive to such an extent that I could not wear any deodorant or antiperspirant, because I would be itching and in absolute agony all day. Furthermore, I developed a skin abnormality where I used to wear a watch with a metal strap. It looked like I had some cancerous growth, but this had been confirmed as not being one, and it was the only mark on my body of this nature. It was a definite allergic response to the metal, but had my skin not been so sensitive from eating gluten, I don't think I would have it -- certainly wearing a watch doesn't irritate the way it used to.

2) Cold sores. In a related vein, I haven’t had a single cold sore since I gave up gluten. This related to my sensitive skin. I had been having cold sores since I was around eleven, as my father had had, and my other siblings had never suffered through the pleasure of one of these. They are incredibly traumatic for any child, and to have finally seen the end of them, or to hope that I have done, really is quite profound for me. Every time I had been in a situation of stress, I had had them. A change of temperature, or a time of sudden exertion; whatever it was, it led to a cold sore. If you have ever turned up at Harvard for an interview and arrived with a major cold sore on your lip, you know exactly what this feeling is like. Any interview might do it, but the Harvard one was a doozy.

3) Nose Bleeds. One of the impacts of ingesting gluten was congestion. As a result of this I would always be trying to clear my nose, and the sensitivity of my skin resulted in nosebleeds – all the time. Again this would relate to nervousness, and when I was about to be interviewed, for example, I would invariably experience a nosebleed, which wasn’t the most pleasurable experience. Since giving up gluten, I have not had a single nosebleed.

4) Eyes watering. Related to the congestion, my eyes now no longer constantly water, in a way that makes it look like I am crying. This, though, remains a good sign for evidence of gluten in the food. If I start sniffling and my eyes begin to water, I know it is time to take a Gluteneze pill, which limits the effects by helping me digest the gluten.

5) Snoring.  My snoring, I am led to believe, owing to the transformation that has occurred, was caused by inflammation in the throat, as a result of eating gluten. I can only assume this because I was incredibly loud by any reports prior to giving up gluten, while afterwards, the only problems have occurred when I have unknowingly eaten some gluten – an Indonesian meal, for example, or drinking beer. Now, provided I don’t consume the gluten, I don’t snore.

6) Knees.  I was on the verge of getting an ACL taken care of by an operation, but when I gave up gluten, miraculously all my knee problems evaporated. Gluten appears to inflame and make joints work less well. Perhaps my father might not have needed the hip replacement that led to his death, if he had been avoiding gluten. But that is just speculation. I thought I would have to give up squash and any major exercise, but once I gave up gluten, my mobility was markedly improved, and I have no need for an operation.

7) Brain.  The swelling that results from gluten seemed to put the brain in a fog. One seemed to become drowsy and even depressed as a result. Attention deficit has sometimes been linked to gluten intolerance, and I can certainly see why. While I am still not always as clear thinking as I would like to be, I am certainly appreciably better than before.

8) Sensitive stomach. Obviously.  For years, I had believed that eating a fried breakfast was a major problem, or at least a problem if bathrooms were not easily accessible. But once I gave up on the sausage and the toast, I found that the rest was not a problem. I have always enjoyed an English breakfast, so now I do so without any concerns.

9) Dandruff.  This is obviously related to the first item, sensitive skin. Before giving up gluten it was necessary every day to use Head & Shoulders, or some such product. If I used a regular shampoo, I would be itching and dandruff would appear. Now, I sometimes use H&S out of habit, but if I find myself without it for several weeks, it makes no difference; I am fine – so long as I am not consuming any gluten.

10) Weight.  Eating muffins and bagels regularly it was hard work keeping the weight down. Almost immediately, giving up the gluten I lost about 15 pounds, and this has largely stayed off. When I haven’t exercised for a while I am now always surprised that my weight hasn’t gone up much, and it certainly never climbs back to where I was on a gluten diet (even while exercising).

11) Gums of Navarone. Related to sensitive skin, a trip to the dentist would feel like the reenactment of the Battle of the Somme, accompanied by complaints by the dental hygienist that my gums were extremely sensitive and I needed to take better care of them. It did not matter how frequently I went and how much care I took, it was always the same. But those were the old days. I just returned from the dentist having neglected to go for two years -- who wants to reenact the Somme? -- and it was a pain-free and bloodless experience. And the hygienist said nothing about the condition of my gums. Coincidence that this was the first time I had been since I had become gluten free? I don't think so.

That’s all I can think of for the moment; there may be other things to add that I am just not able to recollect at the moment, but they are probably just small things. Obviously, it sounds like I was a complete wreck beforehand, and that you would have seen me hobbling and smelling down the corridors or along the street. Well, no, for many of these things there were products created that helped one deal with the item of concern. But it’s great not to have to get these products anymore, and the extra cost of the gluten-free food, is basically covered by the fact that I don’t need to purchase chondroitin or B-vitamin, or Ginko, or products for hyper-sensitivity (that cost more than the regular ones), to take care of each of the issues.

And the availability of the gluten-free products just continues to increase. Every supermarket now has a gluten-free section, so pasta (which was my favorite food) can be consumed again. Cereals are also available, particularly with Chex endeavoring to make most of its line gluten free. Nuts and raisins become a snack substitute for muffins, and there’s muffin wrong with that!

The only way to end is with a ditty, written specially for the occasion:

I used to go a-swimmin'

And the wheat would way me down,

I used to go a-swimmin' 

And I would feel like I would drown.

Walkin' on water

The gluten-free way,

Walkin' on water,

It's better that way.

Cos there's muffin wrong

with being gluten free

So create your own song,

and you'll end up on Glee.